Don’t Stop Believing

More...

Cover Story : Don’t Stop Believing

By Leica Carpo

Contributor

Philippine Daily Inquirer

Posted date: December 11, 2010

OVER 35 and happy with my life. And in my prime, as magazines and TV talk
shows chirpily describe the fitter and fabulous 30s age group.

I
had just about shelved the fantasy of someday walking down the aisle in a
fairy tale dress to marry my tall, dark and handsome Asian Cary Grant. Too
many of my good friends had gone down this path only to end up “unhappily
ever after,” or in the process of messy divorces or separations. So I knew
that the road to wedded bliss can be fraught with hazards. Well yes, I also
know a handful of couples who had negotiated this journey well, but it came
with a price tag. Though I’m a romantic, I did not want to gamble with my
happiness and considered myself way too savvy to jump on that wobbly
bandwagon.

So
it boggles my mind how I ended up, on November 3rd this year, dressed in a
delicate Chantilly lace and tulle fantasy wedding gown by Rajo Laurel and
walking down the aisle of a tiny 16th century chapel, the Eglise Neuve, in
Bonnieux, Provence, France.

It
was a seriously surreal moment, walking through those church doors and
envisioning how dramatic a turn my life had taken—from cosmopolitan
globe-trotting swinging single to married and “undomesticated goddess”
spouse at 41.

After
a whirlwind courtship just shy of two years that crisscrossed several
continents and involved at least two weddings, two funerals and several
marathons, I found myself in Provence in a set resembling the wedding scene
from “Four Weddings and a Funeral.” Our family had recently suffered two
deaths and seemed headed for a third. So it was more like three funerals
and a wedding. And much like the movie, it seemed a particularly morbid way
to start a life that promised loads of blissful moments, copious amounts of
laughter and the odd drama or two.

But
life’s tragedies can’t be stopped, and in fact have a particularly
brilliant way of highlighting happiness. So amidst the distressing
emotions, I sincerely believed that each of my 60-plus guests enjoyed at
least one moment of perfect joy during my “amazing race destination
wedding.”

Getting
to that aisle moment when circumstances were far from perfect was a feat
over which my then fiancé still shakes his head in amazement, as there were
many things that could have gone wrong. France was in the throes of its
usual strikes (this one seemed more serious than those of previous years),
the difficulty of getting a Schengen Visa, getting a permit to wed in
Provence (documentation involved several archbishops and severe time
constraints that even FedEx could not overcome) and even finding an English
speaking priest in the south of France. All that was up in the air until a
week or so before the wedding.

Another
unforeseen hurdle, one which 90 percent of our guests experienced, was the
phenomenon of “getting lost in Luberon,” despite cars with fully loaded
GPS, atlases, local maps and periodic road signs. Apparently a lot of areas
here do not have GPS signal, and at these points you basically fall off the
grid.

Unlike
most brides, I did not panic—I left that to my poor fiancé—as I had faith
that everything would fall into place. Well OK, faith and a measure of
homespun wisdom and experience that came in handy for this event. Like
knowing that managing one’s own expectations and those of the guests is
crucial in a destination wedding. As that sales pitch goes, “It’s always
better to under promise and over deliver”.

Another
vital point was to maintain a degree of obliviousness, which is truly
essential to enjoy some of life’s special moments (i.e. surprise parties
and weddings). I have lived enough to know that you don’t need to control
everything or know the secret of every trick—it ruins the surprise and
kills the illusion! Guests will always take the lead of the bride and
groom, or the hosts of the party. If you want your guests to have fun, you
should as well!

My
wedding was very DIY, not only because I enjoy planning parties but because
I was also trying to be smart about expenses, particularly heeding my
fiancé’s line, “I don’t mind spending as long as it makes sense…” This is to
be interpreted as: if it sounds outrageous, it is!

It
seems flowers and giveaways are expenses that most guys don’t really
understand or want to. As is a pair of Valentino shoes that a groom may
think is a useless extravagance but which the bride considers an essential
part of her wardrobe. Brand name aside, I chose them because they were the
most comfortable 5-inch concealed platforms I could find. And I am happy to
report that the Valentinos were comfortable from 3 p.m. to midnight.

Wedding
prep aside, the measure of a good-to-great wedding is the number of moments
that had guests tearing, laughing or simply enjoying the moment.

I
can’t speak for the guests, but for my groom, his top three wedding
highlights were: his “KFC fried chicken run” on the morning of the wedding,
seeing me walk down aisle, and the welcome-to-the-family speech of my
stepfather Eoin.

For
me, the classic walk down the aisle to the last kiss was a blur in many
ways, but these are the highlights in my book:

It
started with an answered prayer for a gorgeous day. We had a beautiful
autumn day with leaves turning gold, orange and red under a dazzling sun
and brilliant blue skies. It made for a stunning set design: soft, warm and
golden lighting, the kind that makes everyone look 10 years younger.

This
was a definite blessing as not only had it been raining and cold the last
three days, it was also the “mistral” season in the Luberon area, when
strong winds have been known to lift puppies in the air.

We
had winds, too, but kinder. And as au naturel was my beauty theme, this was
just right enough to give us “artfully windblown hair and naturally rosy
cheeks.” Neither I nor my guests had recourse to our favorite Manila
stylists. I was intent on doing my own hair and make-up and hoped my guests
were just as happy to go au naturel like me. This may seem like a
“bridezilla” move, but I had seen too many wedding pictures where brides
looked so perfectly glossy that they reminded me of my overly edited high
school photo which disguised my age and any real facial expression. I
wanted to remember this day exactly the way it was, minus any artifice. Of
course, I still wanted to look pretty, and good natural lighting or candle
lighting along with creative photographic angles matter a lot in this
situation. And this was when I hoped that the premium I paid my
photographer would come into play.

My
moment began from my rising to a beautiful day in the bridal suite of La
Coquillade, with my maids of honor, my sister Joey and BFF Malu Gamboa.

And
then it was my day all the way: walking down the aisle as my good friend
Teenee Chan and Patrick Dionisio (my sister’s husband) sang a medley of
Modern English’s “I Stop the World and Melt with You” and U2’s “With or
Without You,” and my best friends and travel buddies singing Jay-Z’s “New
York State of Mind” (we plan to move to New York) and Journey’s “Don’t Stop
Believing.”

Tears
started flowing as I could feel my sisters and friends singing their hearts
out for me, pouring out their feelings for everyone to see. I knew they had
been practicing months for this moment, and I could literally feel how much
they were going to miss me and how much they cared for me. The joy and good
will was overflowing in the room. It was absolutely overwhelming.

At
this point, I realized that it’s not walking down the aisle to the altar
that matters. It’s about walking away from the altar, seeing all your
family and friends, feeling the comfort of all their good intentions for
you—and holding the hand of your “gambling partner” and feeling it “just
right.”

You
can stop believing for a while like me, but love is funny like that—it will
find you no matter how dark a place you choose to hide, and shine a light
so warm that it can melt your heart. •

^ Back to
top  ©Copyright 2001-2011 INQUIRER.net, An
Inquirer Company

More: http://www.hsengine.com/s_School+Photos.html